Victims of Love
by Leviathan's Dirge
Summary: “We’re a family now,” she reminded him forcibly, “we need to talk things over.” He shook his head, “there’s no time for that. I have to do what I have to do; you can’t ground me to this nightmare anymore! I need time to myself! Cloti R


**_Disclaimer:_ **I don't own anything Final Fantasy related. Nope. At least not company Squeenix related. I don't own Good Charlotte either...

_**A/N:**_ 'Victims of Love' seems to fit, alot better than the 'Relapse' title that I had been using.

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**In the beginning, I tried to warn you  
You play with fire, its gonna burn you  
And here we are now, in the same situation,  
You never listen, I never listen  
Now I am thinking of a way that I can make an escape  
It's got me caught up in a web and my hearts the prey  
Do you really wanna throw your heart away, away, away?**

Cloud sighed deeply, running his hands through his blonde spikes carefully. Out of all the times that he had screwed up, all the nasty things that he had done, this had to be the worst.

"I just can't…I don't want to hurt you anymore." He let his arms rest; protesting could be made difficult when in the right circumstances. "I don't want to be a burden, I'm sick of hurting you. It makes me feel so weak, and yet" Cloud casually reached for her hand. "It makes me feel like a stronger person. I know I'm a masochist. And somehow, it's okay. But I can't live a lie, it breaks me. I can't do this."

Tifa pulled her hand away, not in anger, but in spite of herself. She wanted to be with him, at all times. At a beach, or in a coffin, it didn't matter. Countless times they had killed for their love, so why couldn't Cloud Strife just show it? Was she a disease, an infection? In a sickly kind of way, Tifa had hoped so. Maybe it was possible to keep him for the long haul.

Tifa would never wish Cloud away, even though she constantly did without realizing it. Ridiculous, their relationship was, and she was stuck in it. Like a bird of prey, she constantly had her eyes on that dumbass blond swordsman. And just as any predator, she kept on the chase even when it had been long over. "Please, please listen to me. I need you to listen to me! Please!"

Cloud simply looked away, totally out of it. He just didn't seem to care, either that or he cared far too much and he was just pretending that it did not matter to keep himself sane. When had Cloud ever been sane?

Seeing that he wasn't about to give in, Tifa only did the next best thing that she could think of, she just continued. If Strife realized that she had given up, Tifa would have to kiss their relationship goodbye, literally. That wasn't about to happen any time soon. "You're hurting me, Cloud. Please, don't… I don't want to lose a part of my family… I already have."

**Everybody's hurt somebody before  
Everybody's been hurt by somebody before  
You can change but you will always come back for more  
Its a game and we are all just victims of love.  
Don't try to fight it, victims of love  
You can't decide it, victims of love, victims of love**

Cloud mentally slapped himself across the face; how could he have been that stupid? Her mother had died shortly after she had been born, and then her father when she was 13. Sephiroth was to blame. He knew that she did not want to lose him, but how could he stay? It would only cause untold misery, and he didn't want that. Nobody should have to suffer because of something that he could have prevented, should have prevented. No, it was best for him to do what he had planned, though he did not want it, and neither would she.

"No," he answered simply. "That's my final answer. No more."

"You don't understand! You never understand!" She threw her hands up into the air. "You're a dumbass Cloud, you always were! But we got past that, I looked over it! But I can't take this anymore, all of this constant stress! I don't know what your problem is, but I want to know! If not for me, than for the kids!"

As for a response, Cloud merely shrugged. "Tell them that I died in a tragic car accident" he suggested, nonchalantly. "They won't even know what had hit them. Maybe it won't hurt them as much as it will hurt me. Eventually, they will forget-"

"But I won't! I'll commit suicide if you leave like this! Can you really do that to me, and have all of that shit on your conscious? If you do, then there's something seriously wrong with your head." Cloud still did not say anything, almost like it wasn't his problem to begin with. Tifa hadn't been all too serious about the whole 'suicide' part, but she had been completely serious about the whole, 'If you leave me' thing. He would be slowly killing her from the inside out; a horrible tragedy to endure. "We're a family now," she reminded him forcibly, "we need to talk things over."

He shook his head, "there's no time for that. I have to do what I have to do; you can't ground me to this nightmare anymore! I need time to myself!" He knew what Tifa was getting at, but he was too embarrassed to actually do anything about it. There was no way that he could ever tell her, it wasn't a thing that he should tell her. His dilemma was arguably one-sided, at least in their relationship.

"I have to leave," he spoke. "If I don't go, I'll hurt you. And if I stay, I'll drive you absolutely mad. Hell, I'm driving me mad! The hard part is that I don't want to leave, but I can't help myself. If I stay, I'll only be a burden for you and the kids. I see myself, and I know… What I'm doing to you is wrong, but, I just, I… I don't want that. Please understand my point of view. I can't stay. That's the truth."

Out of the blue, the martial artist just started laughing. "You don't get it, do you? You're a pathetic excuse for a man, and a damn good one. Vincent is a better emo than you are. Damn, you're all screwed up, I don't even know if I can fix you-"

"Then don't." With that, her face grew solemn. It was true that Cloud was her obsession, and a day without him would seem like an eternity. She wouldn't commit suicide of Cloud left, but she would instead die early of stress.

"I want to be left alone," he continued. "At least, until I get better. Physically I'm fine; I just need to maul some things over. I don't want to leave, and I hope that some day I'll come back home. I want to be able to come back home, whether I'm 27, or 82. It doesn't matter either way. Although" Strife paused, whilst debating what to say, "I may never come back. I may never see you again. I can't help that."

"So you're going to give up your life, and dedicate it to… mental anguish? Is that what you're trying to tell me? You want to be left alone, so that you can maul things over on your own? You want to slowly kill yourself?"

"It's for the best, Teefs. You know it better than I do."

**Now you've back tracked  
You're running away cause it just happened again and you don't want it to end  
Trying your best to not let yourself go cold, so cold.  
Now you think about the things you thought you wanted to say  
But when you open up your mouth it don't come out that way  
Are you really gonna throw your heart away?**

It was common practice for Cloud to give up, to run away from his problems. He had done that before, countless times. Tifa had been put into many awkward situations in her relationships with Cloud, which threatened their sanity. They had always managed to sew themselves back together, always. This time was no different, only it proved to be much more challenging. Tifa held the belief that they could always make things work, no matter the circumstances. And people held her in high regards for this.

After a few moments of silence, Tifa took a chance at speaking. "You are killing me Cloud. If you stay, I'm dying on the inside. If you leave, I'll be an empty shell without a purpose; a silhouette of a person. And after all of the things that I've ever done for you, would you let that happen? Could you? Do you want my suicide on your conscious?"

"Stop saying that! I wouldn't make you kill yourself!" The said man looked strikingly upset. "You would not die. I'm sure that you'd find another man, although I don't want you to."

"So you'd want me to be all alone? I can't believe that my fiancé would want that! What the hell, Cloud?"

He raised a finger, "I didn't say that!" This caused Tifa to growl, baring her teeth as she did so.

"You know what Cloud," she became very pissed off. "You can leave. If you want to be an asshole, I have no problem doing this," she pulled her engagement ring off of her finger and threw it at the wall. Cloud was able to catch it before it hit the wall and cracked. With that Tifa ran up the stairs in a fury.

Cloud had never felt so alone, so frightened. "Tifa!" He called desperately. "Please, we need to talk!" Not surprisingly, he did not receive a response. Taking a few seconds to think, Cloud had made up his mind. He had to repair his relationship, no doubt. He hadn't wanted to hurt her; he had only wanted her to make up her mind about them. Cloud didn't know if she would take him back if he left, or if she would just find another man. She probably would not do the latter, because of their history. Still, he was not sure.

Running up the stairs, Cloud could only hope that Tifa would not end up as somebody else's girl. On the oval-shaped table next to their room, Cloud could see himself and the man that he used to be. Suddenly, he felt a stabbing sensation in his gut; powerful and aggressive. His mental state felt much the same, but it was in its own way much, much different. Almost as sudden as his physical spasm, his emotional were even more agonizing. All the pain that he had caused others and all of the pain that he had caused himself, it was all in vain. He was living a lie. And the worst part was that originally, he didn't even know that he was doing it. Dang.

Taking a few small strides, Cloud was able to quietly enter their room. He winced as he nearly tripped over a bedside table that he didn't notice was there. Tifa must've bought some new furniture since he had been there last, which was about a month ago. Ignoring some of the pain in his knee, he was able to sit down on the bad next to Tifa, whom was unfortunately sobbing her eyes out. Naturally he felt bad, but there wasn't much that he could say to make light of the situation, it was how it was.

**  
Everybody's hurt somebody before  
Everybody's been hurt by somebody before  
You can change but you will always come back for more  
Its a game and we are all just victims of love.  
Don't try to fight it, victims of love.**

"Tifa," he spoke calmly as he lie down next to her. "Tifa, talk to me." Not all too surprisingly, he didn't receive a response. But she was angry with him, so why should he get anything? He had said that he didn't care if she killed herself over him, and that was terrible. How could he do that to her? Did he have bigger problems than she knew? Well, he obviously did.

"Tifa," he slid his arm around her back, resting his chin on her shoulder. "Please understand, try to put yourself in my shoes. How would you… How would you do this?"

She stopped her sobbing after a few minutes of silence. "I don't even know what's bothering you. How can I help you if I don't know what your problem is?"

Tifa had touched on a very painful subject, not easily overcome by anything, especially in their relationship. They were strained enough as is. "It's very personal." He was able to speak. "I don't know if I ought to tell you."

"You'd better Cloud, or this is over. I'm getting the feeling that this is about Aerith, and if it is, I'm not going to-"

"It's not her. Believe me!" Cloud was beginning to get defensive. "I'm over her Teefs, please believe me! I wouldn't lie to you like that!"

"Then tell me what it is."

Cloud closed his eyes. If what he was about to say came out wrong, he could possibly ruin his engagement, causing Tifa to think that he was gay. Cloud Strife was not gay! "I let him die."

Zack, of course. The busty bartender ran her hand through his blonde spikes. "It wasn't your fault. He knew the risks. You both did."

"But he died protecting me! I wasn't strong enough; I've never been strong enough."

**  
You can't decide it, victims of love, victims of love  
You never listen, I never listen  
Now I am thinking of a way that I can make an escape  
It's got me caught up in a web and my hearts the prey  
Do you really wanna throw your heart away, away, away?**

Tifa shrugged, "you were strong enough to take care of Sephiroth. Twice to be exact."

"That's different. And I know that it's not my fault, at least, I don't want to believe that it was. Zack risked his life to save me, which I suppose that he was also doing for himself as well. I just can't help but feel some remorse, because I couldn't have helped him even if I had wanted to. I was too weak."

"It was ShinRa, Cloud! ShinRa! He was bound to die anyway!" She slammed her fist down on the bed. "He would've died! It wasn't up to you!"

"But- I…"

"Hush, Cloud. You're relapsing."

"I'm sorry, Teefs."

"Don't be." She snuggled up next to him, causing a brief smile. Moving her arms slightly, he was able to pull the blankets up over them, since it was a very cold winters night. "I love you Tifa." He muttered.

"I love you too, Cloud."

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_**Thank god that's over! That was really fun typing up and writing, but I really wanted to finish this before I typed up anymore of "Let's Get This Party Started!"**_ **Anyway, R&R!**


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